de barbis in civitate dei...

Okay, this post will be theological too, but in a much more fun way.

Augustine, in the last book of the City of God [spoiler alert for those reading along at home!] is trying to figure out 'whether the major factor in [the creation of the various parts of the body] was usefulness or beauty.' It is not surprising, because Augustine is so notoriously pro-body and pro-sexuality, that he opts for beauty to explain the body, but his reasoning made me laugh (as it did last semester when I was reading this for a more formal class):

'...certain things are associated with the body in such a way as to have beauty but no use. Cases in point are the nipples on a man's chest and the beard on his face. The fact that the beard exists as a manly adornment and not for purposes of protection is shown by the beardless faces of women, who are the weaker sex and for whom a beard would therefore be more suitable if it were a protective device' (XXII.24; this entire chapter is, in all sincerity, one of our bishop's greatest hits).

Do your best to put the 'weaker sex' bit aside, if you're the sort to be bothered by gender essentialism in general, or in particular the forms of gender essentialism that in some sense subordinate women to men; this is still a marvelous argument against intelligent design (in favor of some aesthetic supplementation thereof) and a terrific reason not to shave. And let's all be relieved that he didn't offer any following thoughts on nipples.